yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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