he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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