Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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