You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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