I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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