I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
