recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
