My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
