she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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