And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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