Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
