she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
