I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
