i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
