porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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