4 words: hood of his car
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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