i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
