i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
