She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Damn victory sex feels great
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
