In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
