i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
