I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
