you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
