Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
