we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
