I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
