the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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