You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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