How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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