I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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