The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
