Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
