Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
