I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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