nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
