No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
