i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
