Say something about gay babies.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
