yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
