just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
