I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
