bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
