Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You smell like stripper and shame
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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