Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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