no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
