How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
