we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
