call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
