Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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