my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
