There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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