Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
